Feedback - can't live with it, can't live without it.
What
exactly is feedback? According to the dictionary, it’s a noun that (amongst
many explanations) is an opinion foremost; information or statements of opinion about something (such as a new product) that can tell you if it is successful or liked.
If you’re
after feedback on your work to validate whether it’s good or bad, then that’s
definitely a very different thing.
The thing
about feedback, is that you usually only ask about for it if you are not
confident in the decision. Because if you were, then you probably wouldn’t be
asking for feedback.
You might
be questioning this. Perhaps you are thinking – No, I ask for feedback because
I just want to confirm that I’m on the right track. But doesn’t that imply a level of uncertainty
in the outcome?
Or even,
that you are looking for feedback because you want a consensus from a group.
Sorry, but it’s the same thing. That’s just spreading the load amongst many to
make a decision.
Last week,
I wrote a piece of work. It was my third try writing for this purpose, and each
time I had gotten feedback that perhaps the work wasn’t strong enough for the
intended use. This time, I thought I was on a sure thing. I felt good writing
it, and had had someone else look it over. They gave me FEEDBACK, and I made a
few changes because of it. Which I thought made the piece stronger.
It didn’t.
According
to the person I shared it with for final feedback, it was soft and needed some
depth, which was the same feedback I’d been getting for all my previous articles.
My reaction?
At first I was hurt that my work had been rejected. AGAIN. That’s ego talking
right there. Then right on the tails of hurt was feelings of inadequacy, of not
being good enough. I gave myself a pep talk on how to get back up and try
again.
I’ve read
so many articles that talk about how important feedback is for improvement. But
why do we (actually, me) automatically assume that it has to come from a place
of something not being good enough, and needing to be better? Why can’t it just
be that it’s ok as it is, and there is an opportunity to keep the momentum by
making it just more better than what it currently is.
I was
uncomfortable with the whole situation, and when I mulled it over and gave it a
lot of thought, I realised that I had been incredibly selfish in my expectation
that the other person validate my own opinion of the work.
Plus – and
this is a big one – I was scared that maybe people might not find me good
enough, or smart enough. That perhaps I might be ridiculed. So I wanted someone
to tell me YES – its good!
Of course
they had a different opinion! Everyone thinks differently, everyone writes
differently, everyone has different life experiences which will influence their
outlook. So of course they would have written the article differently to me,
and had a different opinion to the work than mine.
I know I’m
focused a lot on the article, but this is really a metaphor for life. We are so
linear, thinking of everything in black & white, good & bad. This is so
subjective, just like how each person will write differently. What someone told
me is that it is just what it is – not good, not bad. Feedback is only an
opinion that can serve to keep you progressing on a path of momentum. It
shouldn’t ever be about being competitive, or perfection, or considering
something to not be good enough. Because everything is already good enough. It
can only keep moving.
So next
time you are hurt by feedback not being in line with your own thinking, perhaps
it’s because you are not feeling confident enough to step up and back yourself
for whatever it is you are doing. Why not try saying to yourself – it’s ok,
this article is right for this moment in time, and by writing and publishing
it, then I will continue to improve on and develop with each new one I write.
And that’s ok.
Why am I
scared of being thought not good enough?
Just a
thought – I am a perfectionist on top of this. Or should I say, in addition to
this. So no, I still haven’t published the piece of work because I think it
could be better. But now I’ve been able to recognise that it’s got nothing to
do with the feedback, it’s because I’m frightened of what people will think.
Will it be good enough, am I going to be able to hold my own with those super
talented people out there that are writing too? That’s when a bit of self-love
can come into play, and a gentle reminder that you are good enough, and
whatever you do is enough, and right.
So stop
putting other people in the position of having to make your decisions for you.
Try and trust your instinct and just run with it. What’s the worst that can
happen? If people love your work – bonus! If they don’t, that’s ok too. Try not
to be fixated on the outcome – just get in the practice of putting it out there
for no other reason than it was what you were meant to do and it’s a lesson in
self-improvement.
Equally –
ask for feedback and welcome people’s opinions. Just be honest with yourself
about why you are asking. And get ready for the answer - it may not always be
what you are expecting, but if you’ve asked for it, then be open to what comes
back to you.
Wish me
luck, I’ve still got to publish that article. Laurel
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