The secret to a happy marriage

When I was younger, it was the aspiration for a dream life. To find your soulmate and partner, get happily married with a big white wedding and lots of bridesmaids, then have a family and settle into your own home.

Life is different now, and so some of those things may not be the priority anymore, but it’s made me wonder – is there a secret formula for having a happy marriage?

I’ve been married for 26 years this year. We got married young, after dating for 4 years. Yes, we had the pretty dresses and fun party, then moved in together into our new home. After a while, our children arrived. Tick off the checklist.

So many things have changed in our lives since that day. Careers have changed, we’ve moved house, and lived with the craziness that is 2 working parents. And our relationship has changed too.

From the young care free moments of not having a family and only thinking about ourselves and having a fun life, to being responsible for 2 other people.

We’ve set goals together, made big decisions about our lives, changed career paths, had some harder circumstances to manage, and really, just grown up and changed in ourselves.

But there are some things that haven’t changed.

We have fun together

We know each other inside out, and are each other’s support team

We’re pretty aligned on most things

We’re ok with each other having interests that the other one doesn’t have

We’re ok with going away on our own

We have mutual friends, and our own friends

We both have great (and different) relationships with our kids

We both have relationships with our own parents, and a (polite) respect for our in-laws

There are things that we do that annoys the other, and we yell about them

He never remembers Mother’s Day or other special occasions – nothing has changed

He always remembers to pick up a chocolate for me if he is buying petrol

He buys me amazing presents for Christmas (sometimes)

We go on holidays together – everything from camping to cruising or going overseas

 

Is it perfect all the time – aka Stepford Lives? No way! I think it’s because we need the storm to enjoy the calm sometimes.  Life on one wave-length could get boring. But we’re happy.

I asked my friends what they thought made a happy marriage. Some of the answers were beautiful, some funny and all touching. Things like -

Daily acts of devotion and gratitude. Sometimes it’s the little things.

We never take each other for granted. 9 years

Give and take, compromise, tolerance and loyalty for each other. 37 years

Shared interests – champagne and a love of puppies to name a couple.

Don’t let things stew, talk to each other, be there when they need you and laugh. 30 years

Staying best friends. 49 years

So if I could sum it up, I would say there isn’t one single secret– its lots of little things that show you care for and respect your partner.

Keep talking, growing individually and together, and enjoy and learn along the way.

That’s my hot tips for a happy marriage.