When breaking up is hard to do...

We all come to moments in our life when you have to make a hard decision to let go of something or someone. Maybe it’s a friend that just doesn’t have your back anymore, or a job in a business that doesn’t suit you.

Whatever it is, it feels like it’s super painful. When it’s a relationship you’ve had for a while, it’s so hard to contemplate letting go of it. You feel like you want to, no, have to, salvage it because you’ve been a part of it for so long and you really can’t imagine life without it. You actually feel like you can’t live without it or them.

Emotionally, it’s a struggle too. Probably lots of tears involved. Tears could be because you are sad to think of leaving it behind, or frightened to think about what might come next – and it’s always easy to be scared of the unknown. You might even be sad because you know that things won’t ever be the same again and you will miss the happy and fun moments, or the security of knowing the relationship or role inside out.

Take the time to grieve. It’s ok – whatever you leave behind is going to leave a bit of a hole. But there is sense in the saying – time heals. Because after one week, or one month, you will wonder why you just didn’t take action earlier. All that angst and frustration, when it could have just been dealt with by moving on. That’s human nature. It’s a big deal to step out of your comfort zone. You can be brave and take the step, or you might get pushed out by circumstances. It takes courage and bravery to step up and be honest – so if you have been able to do this even in some small way, congratulate yourself. Do it anyway – the fact that you have an awareness of your situation calls for some congratulations too.

I’m not really sure why, but for some reason I always take the hard way. Even if I want to just relax and surrender into the decision, I just seem to get caught on the edge of not budging, and I get stuck on that ledge. Sometimes for years. The downside to this? By the time you get to the shoving stage, it’s turned pear shaped. There might be passive aggressive attitudes and behaviour, which makes it even more uncomfortable and upsetting.

Your body is a good indicator of how you are managing the situation if you listen to it. Are you getting headaches? Or even anxiety attacks or flushes? Your body gives you signs all the time – gut feelings, rashes or reactions. Take a moment to tap into yourself. Working from the top of your head down, think about each part of your body. Focus on it, and see if you can sense anything. If you can – great. It’s a good starting point for thinking about how you manage the situation.

How to do you make the call? This is a tough one for me to talk about – I hesitate, delay, procrastinate and generally do anything I can to avoid moving from that super comfortable spot. To the point that I really lose sight of who I am, say yes a a lot and generally live life from an unhappy place because I’m just not being myself. If I could make a suggestion (and I’m saying this for myself) it would be to try and start a conversation. If it’s coming from a good place with good intention, then hopefully the other person won’t be on the attack. If they are, then you have to accept that is the way they feel, and there isn’t a lot you can do to influence this. Just respect that this is the way they feel, and don’t take it on board.

 

On a final note, have you given any thought to the fact that this is an incredible gift? You are being given the chance to grow. It may not look like it at the moment, but change is growth. So if you are hurting and feeling sad, you just could be in for an amazing growth spurt. Something to look forward to.

So go ahead and be sad – it’s ok. You’re allowed to be. It’s your situation, manage it anyway you like and respect yourself. But don’t be afraid of change for the sake of change. When something changes, new things arrive, so trust, and be patient and wait for the signs that show you that you’ve made the right decision – they will come.