Remind me again why I wanted kids....
It's been a while. Between a lack of time (work is painfully busy at the moment) and a problem with our internet (kept dropping out), I haven't put the effort in I promised that I would with the blog.
My son is sitting beside me on the bed as I write this. He is a lovely boy, gentle and sweet, and loves his mum. He still has a sleep over with me when his dad works nightshift (at 12) and I love this, and recognise it won't happen for much longer as he grows up - he will be in high school next year.
But for all this very sweetness, there is a very stubborn side to my boy. He seems to resent authority, much to the very irritation of his school teachers and daycare ladies. Its ok with me, I keep it tight and don't let him get away with it, as does his Dad (although he's not as tough on him as me) but his teachers don't have the patience to manage it well.
He's just finished a stint of in-school detention along with a side dose of suspension from daycare, both unrelated incidents. And its not the first time, we started our rounds of suspensions in kindergarten. Actually, pre-school if I think back. He was a biter.
Ben does not like to be told what to do unless he is in the mood for it. Most of the time, he's fine. But when he gets in a mood, he doesn't take instruction well, and the teachers absolutely despise this. Kids are not allowed to talk back or refuse instructions, and teachers quickly take care of it by sending him to either the principal or the stage leader. And when he gets told to go to the office etc, he drags his heels and takes his sweet time about it too, which just annoys the teachers even more.
I get the calls from school, and its a tough one. What am I going to do when I am at work, from the office? And when we talk about the situation at home, he knows its wrong and what the right course of action should be but he can't seem to translate that into the right actions at school.
When he is switched on, he is a polite quiet boy who plays handball and car games with his mates at lunchtime. When he goes off, he is revolting, and will do anything from pushing kids around to giving them a whack on the legs with a bit of wire from the tennis courts. And because he is a big lad, taller than me, a push can be hard when the recipient is a year 3 girl.
Its a struggle with school work too, he has difficulties with learning, especially english and maths but all lessons are hard. And that means he mucks about in class to avoid having to do work he is struggling to understand. I think this is a problem with more kids than we realise. The stage teacher told me the other day that because he is naughty in class, they just ignore him and focus on the kids that behave because they don't have the time or inclination for him. Which makes him even more behind. What a vicious circle.
I'm not one of those mums who thinks their kids can't do any wrong, I know he must be driving the teachers crazy when he is being just plain silly and annoying. But surely he deserves more, he is only 12. What chance will he have in high school?
I love him so much, I want him to enjoy this time at school before he has to work, and I want him to be a good responsible adult. But I'm just not sure how to best help him. So I take care of him, support him as best I can and just hope that everything will turn out ok. Its the best I can do for now, but I even feel guilty about that. Working mum, Dad does night shift. We're lucky we have our in-laws close by to take up the slack.
But after all of this, he will do something thoughtful and loving, and it reinforces my confidence that its all going to come good. One day.
|Ben, Bethany and me. Ben and Beth get along well, he loves his family.|