Would you tell a friend if...
The conversation was riveting, and going something along the lines of 'If I smelled of B.O, would you tell me?" Now I don't know about you, but body odour is a sensitive one, and I have to be 100% confident that the person on the receiving end will be receptive to the feedback before I will go there. They were the same. So it opened the doors wide open on a variety of other 'would you tell me if' scenarios, such as if you had 'bats in the cave' - I am a resounding yes on this if I like you and don't want you to be embarrassed by such a horrible faux pax, or 'Do I have something in my teeth' - another big yes for me, I have no shame and will definitely tell you if you have a big piece of spinach lingering after lunch. They were both wusses, and in fact started to make fun of me for being the KIND person who would do the community a service and tell you straight. LOL, not sure what the people sitting around us thought of this!
|Oh no you didn't!|
But it got me to thinking. Are you the kind of person who would tell a friend the hard stuff? Yeah sure, B.O is a tough gig, but not as tough as being able to tell a person that they need to watch what they are eating and lose some weight, or to pull their head in because they are taking things too far and need to chill out. Personally, I find it even harder to do this for my family and close friends. You don't want to be unsupportive of friends when things are not going well, but its even more important during this times to be a good friend who can have the hard conversations.
I have some good people in my life who want me to be the best person I can be. That means that sometimes they ask questions that are pretty confrontational for me (don't forget, I'm INFJ which is introverted, and I would rather deflect than talk too much about myself) but its made me so much more self aware, and wanting to become a better person in my personal and business life. But in return, you need to pay it forward and start asking other people hard questions, and try to be a positive influence for change in their lives. I had a situation with someone close to me that has medical issues and is struggling with their weight, and its seriously impacting on their quality of life. I struggle with mine, but thank god, I don't have any medical issues. After that first talk, we now support each other through a journey of losing weight. I tap in, and try to make sure that I open up as much as I can to talk about this personal stuff too. I'm not a hero but influence of the positive people I have in my life makes me want to share this optimism and instil this positive self worth in the people I care about.
Last year, I started seeing a business coach. It started off as a way to grow my leadership skills so I could be a better manager, but quickly became obvious that I needed to work on my self worth and improve my gratitude of the great life I have. Its interesting that a lot of the good things she is teaching me can really start from being genuinely grateful. It's been a turning point for me personally. Over the last few years I haven't been very happy, work was tough and life was super busy. I look back on some of the posts I've written, and they've been quite depressed in tone. I'm naturally an optimistic person, so this took a lot out of me. I was pretty angry a lot of the time, and became a victim. It's easy to be a victim, but I've been working hard on letting go of the negative self talk, letting other people get involved in solutions, and not feeling like I have to be the one that fixes everything. Plus I find myself telling others about some of the tips the coach has been giving me! So if you hear me talking about writing down why you are grateful every day, now you know the source of my wisdom!
So sometimes, even though we were joking about the topic today, be brave and tell your friends the truth. People you love will appreciate the effort you are making for them.
On a final note, I was checking in the mirror on the way home (at the lights of course) and seen a big piece of what looked like dandruff in my hair! So gross! BTW - its because I got sunburnt on my head when I was on holidays a couple of weeks ago, and now my head is peeling in big chunks. The hideous embarrassment! Where are your friends when you need them....